


friends don't

by possumdnp



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: "Canon" Compliant (other than the fact that they never dated in this universe), Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Introspection, M/M, Takes Place Vaguely In 2015, alcohol mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28220628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/possumdnp/pseuds/possumdnp
Summary: Most friends don’t act like Dan and Phil do.(A best friends-to-lovers AU)
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 24
Kudos: 44
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2020





	friends don't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [completelyuncreative2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/completelyuncreative2/gifts).



> My prompt was _“Fic based on the song "Friends Don't" by Maddie and Tae.”_
> 
> Happy holidays, @completelyuncreative2! I hope you enjoy your fic and that I did your prompt justice! It was a lot of fun to write.

“So when are you going to get a girlfriend?”

Dan blinks. “What?”

Louise tilts her head. “A girlfriend? The whole time I’ve known you, you’ve been single, mate.”

Dan forces a pained smile. “I’m just, er, enjoying the single life now.” It’s not a lie, really. He looks down at his mostly-empty glass. “I need to go get another drink, excuse me.”

And then he slips off.

The good thing about VidCon is that with so many big personalities in one room, it’s easy to become invisible. He’s had a hard time being invisible his whole life. He’s a loudmouth, a dumbass, and over six feet tall. He stands out in most crowds, and he got bullied for it for years.

Here, he’s one of many loudmouth dumbasses. Normally, that’s a bit of a pain. He’s an annoying YouTuber who craves validation and views. He loves that his audience keeps growing every year.

But right now, he feels like he can’t breathe. He needs to find Phil among this huge crowd of YouTubers and get the fuck out of here. Luckily, he’s always had some kind of weird Phil-radar. Ever since the first big event they went to together — that Halloween party in 2009 — Dan’s somehow always been able to find Phil in a crowd.

He’s standing at the far side of the ballroom talking to Anthony Padilla _(it’s fuckin’ Anthony from Smosh!,_ Dan’s stupid fanboy brain supplies, despite his current panic). They look like they’re having a good chat, and Dan hates to pull him away, but he knows he’ll understand.

“Phil,” he says. “I need to - can we get out of here, mate?”

Phil, to his credit, doesn’t even ask why. He just smiles and gracefully ends his conversation with Anthony.

“What’s wrong?” Phil says when they finally get out of the noisy hotel ballroom to the quiet of the hotel lobby.

“Let’s go back to the hotel room.” Dan puts a hand on the small of Phil’s back and guides them both to the elevator. Their room is on the fifteenth floor, and they stand in silence as the elevator brings them to their floor. They’re technically booked in different rooms because they’re signed up as separate creators, but they’ve ended up staying in the same room the whole time they’ve been here. Their stuff always ends up intermixed, even if they stay in separate rooms, so it’s simpler to keep everything in one place.

When they’re finally back in the hotel room, Dan falls face-first onto one of the beds.

“What’s wrong?” Phil says again. “You look upset.”

“Louise asked me when I was going to get a girlfriend. I felt like I was gonna melt into the floor out of awkwardness.”

To his surprise, Phil bursts out laughing. “She really asked you that? _Fuck._ She really doesn't have a gaydar. What did you even say?”

“I said something like, _‘I’m enjoying being single right now,’_ and then I fucking hightailed it out of there to come find you. I’m so fucking awkward, Phil. You shouldn’t allow me around people.”

Dan’s face is mushed into a pillow, but he feels Phil sit down on the bed next to him and rest a comforting hand on Dan’s shoulder blades. “It’s not your fault, Dan. It’s not like you’ve ever told her that you’re gay. She was probably just trying to make polite conversation.”

“I dunno why I’m panicking. It’s weird. Normally, it’s people asking if I’m gay, or if I’m dating you, not when I’m gonna get a girlfriend, jesus. Apparently, people asking me _any_ personal question makes me freak the fuck out.”

“I know.” Phil rubs Dan’s back. “It _is_ weird. And messy. But now we’re back in our room. We’re safe from weird, prying questions from our acquaintances.”

Dan smiles into the pillow. “I love VidCon, but I also kinda hate it a lot. Socialising sucks.”

Phil pats at Dan’s shoulder. “You know what? I think we should change into our pyjamas and drink the rest of this wine while we watch some cheesy rom-com until we fall asleep.”

Dan peeks out from the pillow and sees that Phil has indeed set a bottle of wine on the bedside table. He hadn’t noticed him carrying it before. “Did you steal that from the ballroom?”

“Yup.” Phil grins, his tongue sticking out between his teeth. “It’s fancy too. Not the cheap stuff we always buy. VidCon really went all out for us this year.”

“Stupid fancy rich people, able to afford nice alcohol,” Dan says. “Pour me a glass. I need it after today.”

They spend the rest of the night curled up on one bed, polishing off a whole bottle of wine and watching _The Princess Bride_ together, because Phil has always had a huge crush on Wesley, and Dan simply likes a good love story.

Once their wine is gone, they curl up together under the covers, Dan’s head on Phil’s chest, Phil’s arm around his shoulders, rubbing circles into his shoulder blades.

When the movie’s over, Dan reaches over and turns off the lamp.

“Thanks for coming back to the room with me, even though there’s like a million cool people downstairs you could be talking to instead,” he mumbles.

“You’re way more fun than any of them,” Phil says. “Promise.”

Dan sighs. “I love you a lot.”

“Love you too.”

They fall asleep, curled up together in the same bed.

Because that’s what friends do.

—

They’re friends. Perfectly, one-hundred percent platonic friends. No hint of romance between them.

(Well. There _was_ that one time back on their first New Year’s Eve together, where they spent a not-insignificant portion of the night locked in a room, making out with each other.)

But after that night, when they weren’t drunk on cheap champagne and the joy of celebrating with friends, they had a long heart-to-heart. At that point in their lives, Dan decided that he really needed a friend more than he needed a boyfriend. His life was too fucking messy and stressful to introduce romance into the mix. He’d broken up with his girlfriend only a few months earlier, and he didn’t want Phil to be just a rebound hookup or a means for figuring out his sexuality. Phil meant far too much for that.

And Phil was perfectly happy to provide that friendship. He was going through a rough time too, what with graduation and the stress of being a real adult. While he craved romance, he really needed a friend too.

And then Dan moved to Manchester, and their lives became intertwined as they became roommates and YouTube coworkers. And now, half a decade later, they’re Dan-and-Phil, best friends extraordinaire.

Dan wouldn’t change it for the world.

It’s amazing having a best friend, when for the first eighteen years of his life, the world was determined to keep him from having any friends at all. Phil genuinely likes him, and these last few years have been some of the happiest of his life.

Not to mention, having a live-in best friend and coworker is convenient as fuck. They have similar tastes in movies and tv, they like getting take-away from the same restaurants, and they’re always willing to bounce ideas for YouTube videos off of each other. Over the years, they’ve taken to going just about everywhere together. And maybe they’re a bit co-dependent, but they miss each other when they’re apart.

So when Phil had a plus-one invite to his school reunion, Dan was the obvious choice.

(Sure, all of Phil’s old school friends thought they were dating at first, but they cleared that up quickly.)

And when Dan’s mum’s fiftieth birthday celebration came around, Phil went along to keep Dan company.

(He was the perfect companion, because when Dan reached his limit of family interaction, Phil instinctively knew. They spent the rest of the evening sitting in chairs in the corner, people-watching and playing stupid made-up games together. Dan wouldn’t have wanted to come to this thing with anyone else.)

They’ve even started to go home for Christmas together — to Phil’s parents’ house, of course, because there’s no way Dan is subjecting Phil to his family more than he has to. There’s no one else they’d rather spend the holidays with than each other.

(This last Christmas, Phil’s parents gave them a joint gift with both their names on the gift tag, and it didn’t even make either of them blink. They did need new cookware, after all, ever since Dan scorched their old pan after he got inspired watching chefs flambé things on MasterChef. And it would have been stupid to get two sets of pans for each of them. It’s not like they’re going to move out any time soon.)

Their co-dependence just makes sense to them. It’s how they’ve always operated as friends. But apparently, their particular brand of friendship is unusual to some people.

—

“You thinking of staying in this flat long-term, then?” PJ says. He’s been over for the afternoon so that he and Phil can film a video together. But since they’re friends outside of YouTube, they decided to make an evening of it.

They’re currently all hanging out in the lounge together, Dan and Phil sitting on the same sofa, a bowl of popcorn between them. PJ has pulled over their green dining room chair and is sat cross-legged in it, sipping a mug of tea.

“I dunno,” Dan says. “We’ve just renewed our lease, so I guess we’re stuck here for another year. But honestly, moving is such a pain in the ass. I’m not sure if we’re up for it any time soon.”

“It’d be nice to not live here though,” Phil says. “Honestly, we kinda hate a lot of things about this place. I wish we didn’t live right by a hospital.”

“And _I_ wish we didn’t have to walk up seven hundred million steps every day.”

“We also want a place where we can have a dog,” Phil says. “I dunno if we’re rich enough for a place with a proper garden yet, but at least a place where the landlord will let us have a dog.”

It’s a thing they do quite a lot, imagine what kind of glorious flat they’re going to move into together one day. But normally, they don’t have an audience. PJ is sitting back on his chair, looking bemused.

“Wait, you want to move together? I feel like you’re well on your way to being able to afford to get your own separate places.”

Dan glances over at Phil, and he sees a look of confusion shadow Phil’s features.

“What?” Phil says. “Why would we want to get our own separate places?”

“Yeah. It’s just really convenient to live together,” Dan says quickly. “Besides, we’re in each other’s videos all the time.”

A weird look passes over PJ’s face that Dan can’t quite read, but he recovers quickly. “Of course. My mistake.”

When PJ goes home, they turn on the first season of Food Wars. They’ve already watched it, but it’s good to keep something on in the background while they browse through Tumblr.

_“Do_ you think it’s weird that we want to keep living together?” Dan asks. “PJ totally thought it was weird.”

“We’re best friends, Dan. And we work together, and we get on really well as flatmates. Of course I want to live with you for as long as possible.”

“Even if we had enough money to live separately?”

Phil grins. _“Especially_ if we had loads of money. Why would I want to live in a small flat on my own when we could pool our money and get a really cool, fancy, rich person flat with enough room for a dog?”

Dan smiles back. “Obviously. It just makes sense.”

The conversation ends there, and they go back to watching anime. But for some reason, PJ’s question sticks in Dan’s mind. He has a hard time falling asleep that night.

The thing is, maybe it _is_ a little weird. Most friends — even best friends — don’t want to keep living together forever. They don’t spend hours watching HGTV together to decide exactly what their dream flat would look like. They probably buy separate kitchen equipment along the way so that they’ll actually have things to move out with and stock their new, separate flats with. They don’t have a list of names that they’re going to bestow upon their first dog together.

But _he and Phil_ do all of those things.

And thinking about Phil moving to his own flat, not living with him anymore, not getting to wake up and eat breakfast together, even not being able to rehash their eternal arguments about stolen cereal and socks left on the coffee table…

Honestly, he feels like the universe will split apart if he and Phil go their separate ways. He knows he’s melodramatic at the best of times, but he can’t imagine a future without his best friend by his side.

He tells himself it means nothing, this strange, uneasy feeling he feels after that conversation with PJ. Except now, Dan finds that he’s overthinking every little conversation he has with Phil.

Every time Phil starts talking to him about the future, his body tenses up, as if he’s waiting for a sign that Phil wants to move on from him and start their own separate lives - just like most best friends apparently do. Every conversation is spent with his brain fluctuating between hope, terror, and confusion.

Like everything else in his life, Dan starts to overanalyze his conversations with Phil. Which is shit. He’s never had to overanalyze anything to do with Phil before.

But here he is, lying awake every night, trying his best to puzzle it out and make sense of why he’s suddenly so nervous about his best friend drifting away from him, despite there being no signs of this fear coming true. He supposes that maybe this is some weird holdover from his past, some internalized fear of being abandoned. He’s even been talking to his new therapist about it, but he hasn’t quite figured it out yet.

But despite Dan’s strange headspace, nothing actually changes between them. They still talk about the corgi they’re going to adopt one day, and the parts of the city they’d like to move to. They talk about the future of their YouTube channels, and it’s never even a question about whether they’ll still be collabing with each other in a few years. It’s just a given.

And then, something happens that shakes his confidence completely and makes him think that Phil might really be moving on.

Phil goes on a date with someone.

—

“So I have this friend who I met at work,” Bryony says one evening. She’s over at their house for a board game night. “And I think you’d really like him, Phil. He’s really into film, went to school for it and everything.”

“Cool,” Phil says.

“We got to talking over lunch, and he mentioned he was bi. One thing led to another, and I showed him your picture. He thought you were cute.”

“Oh. You’re setting me up on a date.” Phil turns a delicate shade of pink. “I dunno, Bry.”

“Come on, Phil. It’s been such a long time since you’ve been on a date.” She stops and considers. “When _was_ the last time you went on one, anyway?”

Phil thinks for a good long moment. “Um… that one guy with the scruffy beard. What was his name again, Dan?”

“Kyle. He was the one you said smelled like cheese.”

“Oh my god. How did I forget that? Yeah, it was him, like a year ago. We went on one horrible, awkward date.”

Bryony blinks. “My point exactly. I know how much you like romance, Phil, but you _never_ date. You don’t have to, but maybe you could meet him and see if you like him. He’s really nice, I promise.”

Phil gives her a half-hearted smile. “Okay, fine. Give me his number. I’ll meet him.”

His name is Robert, and he’s shorter than Phil by half a foot. He’s got a stupid face, and a stupid smile, and stupid naturally blond hair that he probably doesn’t spend hours straightening every morning, and a stupidly good knowledge of all of the films that Phil likes.

The first time he visits their flat, he points out the Totoro plushie they have on their sofa and says he loves Studio Ghibli, and _it’s not fair._

That’s Phil’s thing with _Dan. Dan_ is the one who showed Phil My Neighbour Totoro for the first time and got him the box set of Ghibli DVDs for Christmas last year. It’s _the two of them_ who have long since planned their trip to the Ghibli museum in _actual Japan_ when they finally have enough money and free time.

Phil and Stupid Film Buff Robert go on their first date to the cinema. Dan doesn’t even know what movie they’re seeing, and he doesn’t really care. He plays Guild Wars for the first hour Phil’s gone, taking unusual pleasure in battling with enemies for the first thirty minutes.

And then he feels sad and empty inside, like he’s losing something important to him. Or like maybe he’s already lost it.

He doesn’t fully understand it, this anger and emptiness he’s feeling today. His best friend is _finally_ going on a date with a guy. Phil is a huge romantic who’s had no love life to speak of the entire time Dan’s known him. Dan — his best friend — should be ecstatic for him finally getting something he’s always craved.

And Robert, from the five-minute glimpse Dan got of him, seems nice and attractive. Honestly, Phil really deserves to be romanced by an amazing, kind, smart man. Robert, with all of his nerdy film knowledge, could be that guy.

But instead of being happy for his best friend, Dan’s holed up in his room, being a childish twat, angry at the thought of Phil having a good time on his date. As he button-mashes away to destroy an enemy on-screen, a wave of self-loathing settles in his stomach. He feels _so fucking ashamed_ that he’s being so irrational and pissy at something positive happening in his Phil’s life. He’s _definitely_ the worst friend ever.

And the most annoying thing is, he can’t quite puzzle out why he’s feeling this way.

He supposes the most logical answer is that he hasn’t been on a date himself in basically forever. He’s not out to most people, and dating guys is still a terrifying prospect to him. Maybe he’s feeling envious of Phil, how comparatively easy it is for him to go to the cinema with a stranger and have a good time without also having an existential crisis.

But somehow, that still doesn’t _quite_ feel like the reason for his bad mood today.

He sighs and stares at the screen, where a skeleton is beating up his character. He can’t even bring himself to care that his health bar is dipping dangerously low. Guild Wars isn’t helping his frayed nerves like it usually does.

So he shuts off his computer and heads to the kitchen to make himself a cup of hot cocoa. He realizes once he’s made it that this is Phil’s go-to comfort drink, not his. It still tastes soothing though, sweet and chocolatey.

He sits on the sofa to drink it, turning on the tv to keep himself occupied. He flips through every single channel twice before settling on watching episode after episode of bad reality television. The fake drama is god-awful, but at least it gives him something else to focus on other than the drama of his own brain.

When the front door opens a few hours later, he turns off the tv and sits there in silence, anticipation boiling in his stomach. When Phil enters the lounge — without Robert, thankfully — Dan swivels on the sofa and gives him an overly wide smile.

“Hey! How’d it go? Good date?” He purposefully makes his voice cheerful, because Phil doesn’t need to know that he thinks that Robert is stupid.

Phil purses his lips at Dan’s tone and smile, and Dan knows that he can tell that he’s being falsely cheery. Phil doesn’t comment on it though, just shrugs and says, “Okay, I guess. He was nice.”

“Great!” (He feels like he’s dying inside.)

“Yeah. And he was cute. But I wasn’t as into him as I think I should’ve been.”

“You weren’t?”

Phil shakes his head and sits down on the sofa next to Dan. “Honestly, it was for some completely stupid reasons.”

“Really?” Dan’s voice cracks a little on the first syllable. “Like what?”

“You’re gonna laugh at me when I tell you. Honestly, they’re _such_ dumb reasons. The dumbest. Like, he only wanted to get chocolate from the pic n’ mix. He doesn’t like gummy sweets at all, can you believe that? So I had to get my own bag instead of sharing.”

Dan can’t help but laugh. “You do take your pic n’ mix selection very seriously.”

“And then he wanted to sit closer to the screen than we ever do. And after the film was done, he started asking me all of these intelligent questions about the costume design and the meanings behind the colour tones that the film used.” He shrugs. “I like smart guys, but honestly, I kinda just wanted to talk about how I thought the main actor’s butt looked hot in his trousers.”

Dan grins. “He had a nice ass?”

“Mmhmmm. Excellent. A ten out of ten visual experience. Made the film a lot better to watch. We’ll rent it someday so you can experience the glorious ass too.”

“Deal.” Dan smiles, then presses on. “So what happened with Robert, then? Did he kiss you or something after the movie?”

Phil shakes his head. “He was a perfect gentleman. Didn’t even try to press me to go back to his place or anything. So when he dropped me back off here, I told him he was nice, but I didn’t think it’d work out between us.”

“Oh. Good. Okay,” Dan says, then frowns. “But if you thought he was so nice and polite, why don’t you want to see him again?”

Phil sighs and shuffles around in his seat. He’s not meeting Dan’s eye. “Because.”

“Because _why?”_

Phil’s quiet for a long time, staring over at Dan’s empty hot cocoa mug on the coffee table. Dan patiently waits. Finally, he says, “Listen, you’ve gotta promise me that whatever I say next can’t be held against me.” When he looks over at Dan, his brow is furrowed. “I don’t want to mess anything up.”

“Mess what up? Of course I’m not gonna hold anything against you.” He’s so confused, but his whole body is vibrating with anticipation, as if knowing something big is coming.

“The thing is, going out on a date with Robert made me realize something that I think I’ve been on the edge of realizing for a long time.” He takes a deep breath. “I was sitting there in the cinema, and the whole time, I think I was just missing you. Which is silly. I had this perfectly polite, intelligent guy next to me, but all I kept thinking about was how I’d enjoy the film better if you were there next to me instead of him.”

“Really?”

Phil nods. “So what I’m maybe trying to say is that I _like_ you Dan. In a romantic way. And I think you’re cute and hot, but you’re also my best friend, and I’m terrified of losing you by telling you this.”

“What?” Dan says dumbly. “You like me? Since when?”

“Since maybe forever.” Phil smiles shyly. “Remember when we flirted over Skype all those months before we met? And when we made out on that first New Year’s?”

“Yeah,” Dan whispers. “I remember all of that.” He feels like he’s floating with how unreal this whole conversation feels.

“I don’t think I’ve ever really lost those feelings. They just went dormant. Because back then, you said you needed a best friend more than a boyfriend. And I did too.” He rubs at the back of his neck. “Fuck, Dan. I just don’t want to ruin anything between us by saying this. These past few years have been so much fun, living with you and everything. I still want to be your best friend. I just - there’s times when I think that maybe I also want to be your boyfriend too.”

“The whole time you were out on your cinema date with Robert, I was really furious and sad,” Dan says, mostly because he doesn’t quite know how to respond to Phil’s confession yet.

“You were? Why?”

“I think I was terrified you would run away with him to have some epic romance. That he would turn out to be your actual soulmate and you would leave me all alone and forget about me,” Dan says sheepishly.

“I would never—”

“So what I’m saying,” Dan trucks on, “is that I like you too, Phil. Romantically. And maybe I always have. You’re my best friend, but I also think you’re the best, stupidest, cutest, funniest, hottest guy I know.”

And then Phil’s lips are on his.

It’s nothing like Dan remembers from the only time they kissed before. It’s better.

For one, they’re not drunk on champagne and locked in someone else’s bedroom.

Dan’s also grown a lot as a person in the last five years. He’s not scared about what it means that he’s got a guy’s lips on his. Because it’s _Phil._ He trusts Phil with the whole world — and his heart, too.

His lips are gentle and responsive to Dan’s movements, just like Phil always is with him. Dan loops his arms around Phil’s shoulders and pulls him closer.

When Dan finally moves back, Phil looks fucking _ruined._ His pupils are blown wide, and his hair’s a messy bird’s nest from where Dan has run his fingers through it.

“For the record,” Phil says, and his voice has gone deep in a way that makes Dan’s whole body tingle, _“you’re_ my soulmate. Not Robert or anyone else. I know you don’t even believe that souls are a real thing, but-”

“Shut up,” Dan says. “We’re _totally_ soulmates, even if souls don’t exist.”

Phil grins and leans in for another quick kiss before pulling back again. “So that’s really a yes? You really like me too?”

“Fuck, Phil. I just made out with you. _Yes,_ I kinda like you just a bit.”

“But what if we break up?”

“You’ll still never lose me,” Dan says firmly. “We’re best friends first, no matter what. And besides, I don’t think much is gonna change, except now we can kiss whenever we feel like it.”

Phil laughs and leans in to prove that point.

**Author's Note:**

> Reblog on [tumblr!](https://possumdnp.tumblr.com/post/639144323984785409/friends-dont-t-45k-summary-most-friends)


End file.
